I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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