Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
