I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
