last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
