my sisters under your porch take her home
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
