Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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