I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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