Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
