can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
