shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
