I think I died a long time ago.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
