Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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