You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
