I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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