Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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