Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
