can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
