i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
