I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
