I wish I could teleport
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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