Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
