just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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