I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
