last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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