You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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