Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
