My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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