i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
They have beer where we have blood.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
