Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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