Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im six kinds of drunk right now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
