i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
