I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
