im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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