woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
