it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
