Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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