you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
