Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize