U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
