I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I love having hate sex.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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