Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
