If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize