you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
