I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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