Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
