the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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