even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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