just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize