are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
