Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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