so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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