He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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