Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
