The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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