you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
