dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish life had little blips of pornography
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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