I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
