For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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