she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Couch. On fire.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
