My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
